(The names of the characters have been changed to protect their identities.)
Being up and about since 8 AM doing random chores around the house, monitoring the progress of my research codes on several computers, re-arranging the furniture in my living room, watching TCM and surfing on the web, I have realized one thing: I should not have gotten out of bed at all. But as some wise soul once said, "Every morning I wake up and check the newspaper, if my name is not listed in the top 100 wealthiest men in the world, I get up and go to work."
It is at times like these, when life seems like one continuous ennui, some random, long forgotten memory/ thought/ idea pops back into my head to break the continuity. Today was no different.
Normal people: Oooh... that is so nice. So what did you suddenly remember?
My acquaintances: I am scared to ask what it is now?
Well, you know how we have these silly wishes? Yeah, what about them? There are these things we have always wanted to do since as far as we can think back? Yes, of course. How everyone of us has always wanted to use the phrase in cahoots with in a sentence?
Normal people: Huh?
My acquaintances: Just as I feared! Well, no.
You mean to tell me you have never ever wished that you could find an opportunity to use the phrase in cahoots with in a sentence?
Normal people: Huh?
My acquaintances: I don't know which planet you come from, but where I grew up... no... that was not the common wish of a child growing up.
But cahoots is such a nice word. It indicates some nefarious activity, and gives any sentence the boy, are we in trouble tone.
Normal people: Huh?
My acquaintances: So being able to use that phrase was your biggest wish growing up?
Yeah, because of various reasons, I spent much of my childhood growing up alone. So I never could be upto some prank in cahoots with someone.
My acquaintances: It is almost like the chicken or egg problem. Is it because you grew up alone that you are so weird, or is it because you are weird that you grew up alone? By the way, I don't think that is a very interesting use of the phrase in cahoots with in a sentence.
Well, I was not that alone too. Like Calvin had Hobbes and his alter egos the stupendous man and spaceman spiff, my brain automatically seemed to split itself into different personalities and we were always in cahoots upto something.
My acquaintances: So you heard voices too?
Yeah, sort of. Why do you ask?
Normal people: No, nothing. I am just wondering why you are not locked up in some loony bin.
My acquaintances: More like, why weren't you burnt at the stake.
Funny you should ask that. I was about to declare to the world the grand vision of peace and prosperity the voices guaranteed under my dictatorship, but the Devil intervened in the nick of time and made me watch the movie on Joan of Arc. Seeing how they burnt visionaries at the stake, I shut up and never spoke about the voices in my head to anyone. One of the voices, Alpha, told me later that the Devil was not pepared to have me in hell yet.
Normal people: So what language do these voices speak to you in?
My acquaintances: What a pity, about the Devil intervening like that I mean. Wait, you have names for the voices?
Why, English mostly. I think I think in English. Why? Do you hear voices in other languages?
Normal people: I wouldn't know. I have never heard any voices.
My acquaintances: Yeah, English most of the time... Err.. I mean... no, what rubbish! We don't hear voices. he he he... So tell us more about the voices... any good looking girls amongst them?
I already told you about Alpha, he is of a quarrelsome disposition, always picking up fights with me. Beta is cynical, kind of like Hobbes is to Calvin. Charlie is nice most of the time, but can be really pervy at times. There was Delta, a charming girl, a very good singer too. Was always telling Alpha to be more friendly and Charlie to behave. I don't see her often these days. I heard Alpha and Charlie whispering something about her the other day. I think they done her in.
Normal people: You are not serious?
My acquaintances: So your fights with Alpha, are they worse than the ones you pick up with us?
Hey, I don't fight with myself. But you just said that Alpha is always picking up fights with you. Why that sneaky Sierra, what has he been telling you? Who is Sierra now, who are you? Ooops... he he he... Florist? Hang on, I think I am getting an email, I can feel the electrons rushing towards my inbox.
---- Update at 10:07 AM on January 21, 2004 ---
In your view, normal people are:
(a) not bright,
(b) humor impaired,
(c) not insane,
(d) Huh?
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2 comments:
The answer to the survey is (or rather the answers are): a, b, and c. This is true because society rewards those who are compliant and complacent, leading to no original thinking, no sense of humor (especially of the more morbid or insulting type), and what is considered sanity (which we all know is really just terribly boring). Kate's rant for the day.
Hey, I say that they don't have a sense of humor, plus are embarrassed to admit to have multiple egos themselves, afraid that they will be considered crazy too.
A book from my favorite author, Enrique Barrios, called Maravilla (sorry, it's only edited in spanish so far, but I know the author is working on reediting all his works, and perhaps in more languages), deals with this pretty well, in a manner that made me realize that I do have multiple egos myself... he has Scared, and Curious, and Silly, and Clown, etc, and it's interesting how his attitude changes in any situation depending on which personality takes over... and he argues that you can reach a consciousness level high enough to be able to identify them and take control, and don't let them spoil your life... well, it's a lot more complicated than this, but that's the idea, more or less.
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